I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
