So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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