Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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