hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Bring me that man meat
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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