Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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