I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I am available for nakedness
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
