Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
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is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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