True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is Oprah even human
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
