just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
