A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
