we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
