Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
His nipple licking is glorious
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