i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
