He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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