hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
if i died would you start the facebook group?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
