you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
