p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
