just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
