tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
