Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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