Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
