i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
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Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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