Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
