I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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