My nipple is on Facebook.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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