i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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