Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
