the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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