So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
