I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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