I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
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no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
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Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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