and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you win again, gameday.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
