we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
