i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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