I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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