Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
