I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
