Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
