Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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