Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
