This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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