what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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