Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
