I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
