Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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