I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
