I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize