so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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