My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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