batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
barbara walters just said penis...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There r osticjed everywhere
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
