addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
