1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
