My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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