Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
