The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
