he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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