she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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