Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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