Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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