Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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