im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
