did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
