you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
