Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
