You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Im part way to drunk.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
