Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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