I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
