boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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