Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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