2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
