Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
