Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize