they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
