Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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