I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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