why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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