I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
