Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
