Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
