2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He kissed a someone with a penis
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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